I Am Unworthy

I am unworthy….

We hear these words every…Single…Day…

I find, the most unkind things ever said to me, I said to myself. I thought about myself.

I’m not pretty.

I’m too fat.

There’s always someone better.

Why do you love me?

I’m not worthy.

These are some awful things to say. I would never say them to another person, so, why would I say them to myself?

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to quiet these voices, but they’re still there in the background. A constant shadow, following me everywhere I go.

I have found love again, surprisingly enough. I wasn’t expecting it, or looking for it, it just fell right into my lap.

And through this new, slightly terrifying adventure, I’ve heard the voices countless times, slowly growing louder, breaking out of that cage I locked them in.

I’m not pretty.

I’m too fat.

There’s someone better out there.

I’m not worth your love….

This is sad.

I would never express these thoughts, because 1. it would mean being vulnerable enough to admit they were real. To admit that they were there. And, 2. It would make me less worthy….

And then came the day where my new love, uttered this shocking question.

“Why do you love me? Why are you still with me?”

I was so surprised by this question, It took me a moment to answer. There are so many reasons to love this person, romantically, and non-romantically. Handsome, kind, funny, quirky, unique and endless others. Yet, when they see themselves, they don’t see what I see. And it dawned on me, everyone sees themselves the same way. We all think we are unworthy.

We’re not.

You’re worth everything you want.

You’re pretty.

You’re not too fat.

There will always be someone who is better at something than you, but, no one is better than you.

If you can’t think of anyone who might love you, look at that reflection in the mirror and say,

“I love you. I have plenty of reasons to.”

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